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Hello, I'm Your Account Representative
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Good day everyone, I'd like to thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules and hearing the exciting message I have for you all. You have questions about your enterprise computer solution; and I have the answers. Hello, I'm David Wilson, and I'm your technical account representative. I don't sell software; I sell solutions that meet the ever-increasing demands of your enterprise. I'm your one-stop technical resource for suggestions, assessments and answers. By the time you know me well enough to call me 'Dave', typically under 2 minutes, you'll think of me as your protective big brother who has all the answers and never sweats under pressure. And, hey, I'm also pretty handy with a club if you need any golf advice
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<h2>Note from David Wilson</h2> <div class="captioned floatLeft marginRight"><img src="/Content/images/assets/salesman.jpg" alt="David Wilson, your buddy" /> <span class="caption">David Wilson<br/>your buddy</span></div> <p>Good day everyone, I&#39;d like to thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules and hearing the exciting message I have for you all. You have questions about your enterprise computer solution; and I have the answers. Hello, I&#39;m David Wilson, and I&#39;m your technical account representative. </p> <p>I don&#39;t sell software; I sell solutions that meet the ever-increasing demands of your enterprise. I&#39;m your one-stop technical resource for suggestions, assessments and answers. By the time you know me well enough to call me &#39;Dave&#39;, typically under 2 minutes, you&#39;ll think of me as your protective big brother who has all the answers and never sweats under pressure. And, hey, I&#39;m also pretty handy with a club if you need any golf advice. </p> <p>In today&#39;s ever-evolving global market, real-time and adaptive solutions are essential in meeting the needs of your customers, and must provide a secure and scalable environment which tunes with your infrastructure, provides self-healing to the services it supports, and meets your corporate compliance regulations. In order to realize the full potential of your investment these solutions must also have one-click deployment, low maintenance overhead and have zero down-time performance. I can say that again if you&#39;d like. I have it memorized and I rehearse it often so it rolls off my tongue like its improvisational industry knowledge. This implies, without any explicit verbiage, that I&#39;m in touch with my customers, possess a deep understanding and knowledge of current computing trends and that I offer a product that fulfills this wish-list. It says, &quot;You are in good hands, my friend. Rest easy, compadré.&quot; </p> <p>I pride myself in knowing everything our brochures and other marketing media propaganda say about my product. I even know the key-points my competition boast and have prepared well-thought out counterpoints. I&#39;ve cleverly worked out my competition&#39;s denials to my counterpoints, giving you all the ammunition you need to discredit their sales-pitches that are built on their foundation of lies. I am indeed your friend and I only have your best interests at heart. Also, I work on commission. </p> <p>In my job, it&#39;s not enough to only know the solutions I pitch, and pitch against. That&#39;s a mistake made by many in my field. I also know key-terms which resonate well with my customers; such as, &quot;security&quot;, &quot;ITIL compliant&quot;, &quot;tightly integrated&quot;, &quot;full featured&quot; and &quot;cost effective&quot;, and a host of important sounding initials, such as, ROI and TCO. Hell, I even make them up sometimes. Who&#39;s ever going to question it? I sprinkle them into my conversations as often as possible. I like to say them with a smile; it shows off my $3,200 dental procedure, which whitened my teeth to the point that looking directly at them has caused several people a few hours of blindness. </p> <p>I have many anecdotal jokes to allay your concerns and fears; &quot;The two Microsoft engineers at target practice...&quot;, &quot;How many Linux administrators does it take to screw in a lightbulb?&quot;, &quot;What&#39;s the difference between a blonde and a VAC3280?&quot; Making light of serious questions is a great way of dismissing them without getting into any specifics and we&#39;re not here to talk about specifics, we&#39;re here to share visions, or more precisely, my vision. Add a wink or a flash of the ol&#39; Wilson smile and you&#39;ll relax more than if you just got jacked-off by a Malaysian whore in an opium den. </p> <p>How&#39;s our support? Without hesitation, I say reassuringly that our support is second-to-none. We offer 24/7 phone, e-mail and smoke-signal support. Ha ha - we don&#39;t really offer smoke-signal support, that was just a quick quip to let you know how flexible and reliable our support is. What I&#39;ll keep to myself is that by 24/7 I mean 24 days per month, 7 months per year, and, of course, the hours are actually 9-5, the 9-5 being Chennai, India time, where our support desk is based. This allows you a full 1-2 hours of overlap time, unless you&#39;re on the West coast, then you have none. </p> <p>If you have any problems with our support, not that it&#39;s ever happened, you can call me anytime. My business, cell, home, cottage and time-share numbers are on my business card that I just handed out twice to everyone. I&#39;ll negotiate our internal corporate waters for you and get you your answers quickly. By &#39;quickly&#39; I mean I&#39;ll ping you back within 72 hours, usually around lunch-time so I don&#39;t actually get in touch with you, or whenever I need to tell you some exciting and interesting news on a costly enhancement or upgrade. </p> <p>What&#39;s that? Oh man, that&#39;s a propeller-head question! I chuckle dismissively at those types of questions thereby showing you that I am above trivialities such as making my product actually work. For that, I have Phil. He&#39;s my product guru and he can answer all your technical questions. I&#39;ll set your technical people up with Phil and have them iron out the details. I work best with managers who&#39;ve lost their technical expertise right after dot-matrix printers went out of vogue. I&#39;m technical in a &quot;I carry a laptop and own a Smartphone&quot; kind of way. </p> <p>While I receive many comments on my professionalism and outstanding expertise, people often point out to me, &quot;Dave, you don&#39;t look like someone who&#39;s in the computer racket&quot;, meaning that my well-muscled bod, breath-taking tan and chiseled good looks are the antithesis of the Information Technology look. I&#39;m not your pasty-skinned computer nerd with acne at 30 and the constant smell of Coca-Cola on my breath! No siree. I&#39;m a knowledgeable, seasoned technical resource who also just so happens to be well-toned, well-tanned and incredibly handsome. Let me tell you folks, you don&#39;t get this package by working under the fluorescents for 12 hours a day and playing silly computer games in your parent&#39;s basement until 3:00 in the morning. I spend 2-3 hours at the gym every other day and 45 minutes, minimum, on the in-between days, not including the 15 minutes I take in the tanning bed. I also spend 2 or 3 months out of the year in California with the wifey, or, if she&#39;s too tied up with whatever it is she does, a girlfriend or two. </p> <p>You see, in this highly competitive computer business, it&#39;s not enough to just be outstandingly charming, witty, enviable and up to speed with current trends, you have to exude confidence and assertion. By exuding confidence I&#39;ll gain your confidence and you&#39;ll be more apt to buy in to my solution, which is of course whatever software I&#39;m pitching to boost my paycheck. I find a fantastic tan, awe-inspiring body and an award-winning smile are the keys to gaining my customer&#39;s confidence. It also helps that I get $90 haircuts. Once I have your confidence I know how to keep it too – with a tight, binding, iron-clad contract. </p> <p>I&#39;m Dave Wilson, and I look forward to seeing you again on our next upgrade release. It&#39;s been a pleasure to have had this opportunity to talk with you, and I know I speak for everyone when I say it&#39;s been your honour talking with me.</p>
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9/13/2014 8:44:23 PM